Blind to all but the Dance

I want out of the spotlight. Off of the stage. Yet all around me is darkness. I see watchers in the abyss.
I see myself dance.
Is that me? Or am I the watcher…
Over there, they love my performance.
Over there, they love me.
Over there, they pretend it’s not an act.
They say it’s no act…
Over here, they pretend not to see me.
Say I should dance.
Say I’m just messing with them.
Pretend not to see me…

No response when I shout.
No reaction to my presence.
I’m not a fake! Why won’t you listen!
My thoughts are shouting. I’m here~!
Right here. Right now. Crouching with my friend, Despair.
Can’t see me.
Irrelevant? Invisible.
How long? Stop pretending.
How long? Want to be noticed. Caught in the dance.
Tired of hearing this song on loop.
Tired of dancing this dance on loop.
I’m sorry for making you pretend.
Can we acknowledge each other?
Begone, my falseness.
Give me back my despair.
I need to be me, again.

I want off of this gaudy stage.
But if I leapt into that abyss, would my spotlight follow?
I’m afraid.
Where is the real me? Not sure…
Someone else is dancing, deep in the abyss.
I try to hear. The music quickens. I’m barely keeping pace.
Spot the other dancer, but my shadowy audience glares.
My sense of self replaced by insecurities.
Now I remember: my true self sank beneath their tumultuous disapproval.
I shout, but instead smile cheerfully.

I run, but instead skip merrily!
I strain to hear, but a carefree melody
pervades all.

That’s my cue~♪
I dance.

I dance.
Twirling in circles. Thinking in circles. Chasing someone else’s dreams….

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